Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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