how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize