"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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