and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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