woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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