Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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