that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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