I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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