I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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