Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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