I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize