when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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