Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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