watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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