btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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