Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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