How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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